Sometimes I wonder what there would be to this world for me if there wasn't always that constant worry of what I eat, how much I eat, when can I get rid of it, how much exercise will compensate etc. What would life be like? I think my life would be meaningless. Everything in my life revolves around how I look. If I eat something I shouldn't and I can't exercise or get rid of it, I'm in a horrible mood. If I'm not doing something that has to do with food or how I look, I drive myself crazy thinking. There's nothing else to me. Pro Ana is not a problem, it's a whole different lifestyle. It's an obsession and it's like now, I'm stuck. Even if I didn't want to be pro ana and I wanted to be normal and not worry about these things, I have to, It's all I am. I'm no where near thin enough, I'm not even what I would even come close to calling thin. I'm huge, but the whole thing with pro ana is being obsessed with getting there, and I will get there. I can't stop. I'm going to end up like these beautiful girls in the pictures and I know it's going to take a while and it's hard! But I'm going to make it because I want it more than anything.
What I've eaten today: (Way too much, that's for sure)
4 egg whites
2 mini bagel thins
raw carrots
Water
194 calories.
Right now I have to eat more because people are watching me so when their around I eat. But their suspicion is dwindling and soon I'll be free to be beautiful.
She's so gorgeous!
~Don't give up what you want most for what you want at the moment.~
Off to exercise<3
*Jane
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